Alzheimer's: Losing my dad

Alzheimer's: Losing my dad ![]() Two months ago, my dad died. The experience of losing him was slow and gradual, because he had Alzheimer's Disease. It was also quick, because the difference between near-death and actual death turns out to be pretty sudden and profound. But above all, my dad's death felt magical to me, because loving my dad was always a magical experience, from the time I was tiny and he was creating birthday magic shows, Halloween haunted houses, treasure hunts to the town dump and movies starring us kids, until the very late stages of his life with this challenging disease when he was asking me deep and caring questions about my view of the world. His death felt magical because it ended with singing. My mom, sister, brother and I all held hands around his bedside and sang "Dona Nobes Pacem" ("Bring Us Peace") - a favorite round in my family - in his final hours. What follows is one song about my dad and mom, in honor of National Alzheimer's Disease Awareness Month, and two others to round out the story of my dad and my family's journey with Alzheimer's.
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TOPIC: Anna in a Blinding Snowstorm, Driving Toward the One She Loves
Love, After Taking a Breath and Entering Back In
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This month I am sending you a song of LOVE that starts in a BLIZZARD of "nothing but white" and celebrates what it means to keep on reminding ourselves to REACH FORWARD, even when we find ourselves pulling back from love and connection. Read on to learn the story.
TOPIC: A Father Dies of Lou Gehrig's Disease and Leaves Behind a Song for his Daughter A Fond Farewell From A Father "Locked In" With ALS
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TOPIC: Coming to grips with being honest with self ![]()
TELL THE TRUTH TOPIC: Grieving the loss of a sister who struggled with mental illness and died early ![]()
A Mother Copes with the Loss of Her Unborn Baby TOPIC: Miscarriage ![]()
![]() THE STORY I get invited along on some pretty intense journeys with commissioned songwriting. This one took me to a place few people even talk about beyond the boundaries of quiet whispers and private family conversations. Jen came to me two years ago asking for a song to help her heal. She and her husband Dan had one child and were in the process of trying to conceive another. But they had been beset by a painful miscarriage which seemed both to stand in the way of Jen's moving forward toward conception again, and, too, of Jen's ability to feel the support of Dan. Jen brought her journals and the one book I have ever seen containing poetry about miscarriage to the song-interview. It was at that point that it hit me how very "unspoken" this kind of loss can be in our culture. She described to me the circumstances of her miscarriage, the shock, the sadness, the confusion, the doubt. And then she told me of how she had made the decision to plant some flowers--called daphnes--in her garden as a way of commemorating the life that was lost. I was particularly struck by the image of a flower rising up each year come spring, and that image became a central piece of the song. TOPIC: Husband reaches out to wife who wants to leave When a spouse wants to leave![]()
"John" came to me, deeply concerned. His wife was thinking about leaving him after many years together, and he wanted a song that would celebrate her and persuade her to stay. What we ended up with, though, was a surprise to both of us. Our song-interview journey pointed the way to an unexpected question: What if John stopped trying to persuade, and instead sought to deeply understand his wife's predicament by "walking a mile in her shoes." What emerged was profoundly moving to him, and to me as well. And wait till you see what international harpist Deborah Henson-Conant brought to the mix when we took the song, and Deborah, into the studio! |
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