TOPIC: An "Alzheimer's Waltz" for Love and Life
Celebrating a Life and Partnership
| "Our Dance" - Free Download |
Rita lost her husband and long-time life-partner (and dance-partner) Dick, this past January. To commemorate his life and celebrate their relationship, she came up with a truly original idea: Why not commission a song that could be choreographed, so that she could dance to it, at his memorial service, as a way of celebrating his life and honoring their life-long love of dancing!
I thought this was an incredibly brave undertaking on her part. I listened carefully as she told me all about
I thought this was an incredibly brave undertaking on her part. I listened carefully as she told me all about
Dick, how they met, how "random" their coming together seemed to them, at first, and how quickly it bloomed and transitioned--in just a few months!--into a marriage that lasted a lifetime. I worked in a focused manner on the song, but I must say it presented itself quickly and easily, just like the easygoing nature of Dick himself. The finished product, "Our Dance," is a waltz - a strong fit since the two of them moved together to countless waltzes in their many decades of dancing. I loved the lightheartedness of the piece, but I was also moved to tears each time I played it. How, I wondered to myself, will I perform the completed draft for Rita, without crying?
Rita came to my house, sat in my living room, and I played the song for her, live. As for the not-crying part, I didn't make it. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I found myself overwhelmed with feeling and afraid or shy about looking over in her direction to make eye contact. I could feel her silence as I played but could not yet guess exactly what it meant, until I completed the piece and looked up at her over the top of my guitar. Tears filled her eyes and covered her cheeks, but there was a smile on her face. "You have caught him, exactly," she said. "Don't change a word. This is it."
And so we had it. Rita took the song to her choreographer, Birgit, who created a perfect waltz set to the tune. As the day approached, Rita explained to me that her goal was to find a way, through listening to the song repeatedly and practicing the steps, to somehow master the moment when she would dance this dance, before all of their gathered friends and loved ones, at Dick's memorial event, without tears. Standing in for Dick, for the dancing, would be Richard, Birgit's husband. Richard had known Dick through the years and was sensitive to Dick and Rita's sweet story of love, friendship, and dancing, capped at its end by the shifts and changes brought on by Dick's Alzheimer's, through which he remained, to the end, sweet and gentle.
The day of the Memorial came, and the moment for the dance arrived. Before all their gathered loved ones, Rita took a deep breath, stepped forward, held out her arms, and danced "Our Dance."
Rita came to my house, sat in my living room, and I played the song for her, live. As for the not-crying part, I didn't make it. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I found myself overwhelmed with feeling and afraid or shy about looking over in her direction to make eye contact. I could feel her silence as I played but could not yet guess exactly what it meant, until I completed the piece and looked up at her over the top of my guitar. Tears filled her eyes and covered her cheeks, but there was a smile on her face. "You have caught him, exactly," she said. "Don't change a word. This is it."
And so we had it. Rita took the song to her choreographer, Birgit, who created a perfect waltz set to the tune. As the day approached, Rita explained to me that her goal was to find a way, through listening to the song repeatedly and practicing the steps, to somehow master the moment when she would dance this dance, before all of their gathered friends and loved ones, at Dick's memorial event, without tears. Standing in for Dick, for the dancing, would be Richard, Birgit's husband. Richard had known Dick through the years and was sensitive to Dick and Rita's sweet story of love, friendship, and dancing, capped at its end by the shifts and changes brought on by Dick's Alzheimer's, through which he remained, to the end, sweet and gentle.
The day of the Memorial came, and the moment for the dance arrived. Before all their gathered loved ones, Rita took a deep breath, stepped forward, held out her arms, and danced "Our Dance."
She contacted me the next day to tell me how it went. And I just had to ask her. "Did you make it through? Were you okay? Were you able to do it?" I was delighted and inspired by her response. "There was barely a dry eye in the house," she said. "But I--somehow....I did it! I found the spirit of the song, and I stayed in the moment. I didn't cry. I danced."
My life has been made brighter by getting to know Rita. She has the kind of courage and purposefulness that I deeply hope I can summon, should a day come when I am faced with pain and loss of this magnitude, in the aftermath of not only a great love affair, but a profound and meaningful friendship. She has honored all of us by choosing this uplifting, celebratory manner of going forward, and I, for one, am grateful to have learned that such a thing is possible.
My life has been made brighter by getting to know Rita. She has the kind of courage and purposefulness that I deeply hope I can summon, should a day come when I am faced with pain and loss of this magnitude, in the aftermath of not only a great love affair, but a profound and meaningful friendship. She has honored all of us by choosing this uplifting, celebratory manner of going forward, and I, for one, am grateful to have learned that such a thing is possible.
Here's to Rita--for the depth of her feeling, and for her courage to create and share this song. And here's to the next steps of her dance as she continues to navigate her way forward into the rest of her own brilliant, graceful, and inspiring life, a better person for having known, and loved, and been loved by, Dick.
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OUR DANCE
In Loving Memory of Dick Soini
You came to me haphazardly
I couldn’t have guessed
The way things fell together and held together
So easily and rolled into all of the rest
And we were off and running
Turning in our own dance
And we were really something
Holding happiness right in our (right in our)
Right in our hands
Well, you loved me unconditionally
I, I’ve been so blessed
The way you smiled right into me, so agreeably
Happy to glide right along, my dear friend
And we were up and running
Turning in our own dance
And we were really something
Holding happiness right in our (right in our)
Right in our hands
And in your memory, I will faithfully
Dance, dance my own dance
As you encouraged me, always the freedom
To be just who I, just who I am
So now I’m off and running
I will ever remember our dance
It lives on inside me
I’ll forever be gliding and smiling
And gently refining
The steps of our dance
(c) 2013 Anna Huckabee Tull, CustomCraftedSongs.com
Sandi Hammond (keyboard, strings) and Eric Kilburn (multiple guitars) really helped to bring this song to life. Beth Oram took the photos, Birgit Maguire provided the choreography, Richard Maguire performed "Our Dance" with Rita Soini in honor of her husband Dick Soini, and Robin Cochrane appears below dancing with Rita in the photo below.
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