TOPIC: Hitting a Whole New Groove After 20 Years of Marriage
What Does It Mean to Really Soar as a Couple?
My favorite thing about this song is that it grew out of a couple making it through a serious TIGHT SQUEEZE and coming out so much stronger on the other side--astonished with their own strength, more deeply connected, and laughing that great, fabulous laugh of relief and joy you feel when you somehow land, together, in the right place.
Who do YOU become when the going gets tough? What does it mean, in those most challenging moments, to risk, to dare, to trust your gut, and, importantly, to truly move closer to the one beside you, rather than to pull away? This song explores what's on the other side, in life, when what you do together in the face of a tough challenge on the ground, is to LEARN TO FLY...
Who do YOU become when the going gets tough? What does it mean, in those most challenging moments, to risk, to dare, to trust your gut, and, importantly, to truly move closer to the one beside you, rather than to pull away? This song explores what's on the other side, in life, when what you do together in the face of a tough challenge on the ground, is to LEARN TO FLY...
| "Learning to Fly" - Free Download |
Twenty-five years ago, in a Corporate Lifestyle far, far away, I had a super-fabulous high-heeled job at the Leo Burnett Advertising Agency. Fancy shoes, fancy briefcase, fancy workload, and super-fancy friend, Chris.
Twenty-five years later, Chris tracked me down (thank you Facebook) and we both discovered that each of our lives, out beyond that corporate hotbed of our flashy beginnings, had taken some pretty intense and deepening twists and turns. We both love who we have turned out to be, and feel deeply grateful for the lives and the family that we live with, and all the crazy, zany fun we each get to enjoy, married to the right guy, and raising two tremendous boys. But when Chris opened up to me about her own story, and told me she wanted to commission a song to surprise her husband, Todd, with on their 20th anniversary, the utter uniqueness of her story, and, most especially, the most recent few years of their path, came forward. I found myself hanging on her every word.
THEIR STORY
A lot of it is private. You can fill in the blanks any way you like. But imagine this: Imagine a life where you are in the depths of a terribly sad, unexpected break-up that has left you on your knees, needing to start over, change your focus, and to rebuild in nearly every way. While the journey is difficult, the surprising path and the lessons learned help to cement a personal sense of perseverance, strength and purpose.
Then imagine, during that journey, that into your life walks a man with the kindest, warmest smile you have ever seen. And then, over time, imagine falling in love with that kindness and starting to believe in the possibilities of a future with a family of your own. Now imagine years of building a “picture perfect” life with him--two cherished kids, a lovely house, successful business, good friends and a place in the community.
And then, a tsunami of illness rapidly descends upon you, stealing bits and pieces of your body and brain, leaving you in terrible degenerative pain, eventually unable to clearly think and speak, or to easily walk or move. Consider what it might be like, to become unrecognizable even to yourself.
Then imagine looking across at your partner, seeing him bound in a successful business that no longer makes sense for him at all, despite his strong sense of dedication to the people and to the work.
And then imagine how somehow, slowly, without your even really noticing it, it dawns on you that everything you have built your life on together ties you to one place, one way of being, one way of interacting, in a manner that feels inescapable and, frankly, damaging.
Imagine what might happen if that awareness slowly started to put a choke-hold on everything about your sense of well-being, even as your life still looked perfectly darn good - on paper.
THE MOMENT OF TRUTH AND COURAGE
Imagine all of that and then imagine looking at each other honestly for the first time in a long time, experiencing some of the most real conversations you have ever had in your life together. Seeing the truth, together, of how much is not working, and how utterly unclear and scary the alternatives are. Imagine holding in the space of not-knowing together. Just holding. And praying. And praying.
And then imagine deciding something together, leaning heavily on your own deep faith. Imagine a cold, snowy December day where you load up the car, the kids, the dog, lock the house and leave - moving far, far away and just STARTING ANEW. Starting all over again.
And finding that, in this new place, your body is very slowly beginning to heal. In time, you can walk again and then carefully, deliberately, start to run. And finding that the new business your husband has started, with his own sweat and blood and good will, is starting to...take off. And then imagine that other things start falling into place - family adventures, old forgotten dreams, like, traveling the world, and, literally, learning how to fly an airplane.
Imagine starting to feel new life breathed into the way you see the world. Imagine starting to feel like dreams that you barely ever dared to dream, actually can come alive, in your life, together.
THE SHIFT
Chris shared with me that in this shift, and in their new life, Todd began to appear to her as someone significantly more powerful, strong, brave, sensitive, and quite simply, a deep, big, giving, loving partner. She shared that as her body began to heal in this new environment, she found herself to be a warrior on a level previously unknown to her—more courageous, grateful, present, and authentic…and internally happy.
On the day I sent her the rough recording of her song, Chris was taking a flying lesson in a Cessna 172, what she calls a “Campbell’s’ Soup Can in the Sky.” ("If we're going to fly the plane as a family, we better both know darn well how to operate that thing.") The timing of her hearing the rough-cut of the song for the first time on this particular day held special meaning, given the title, and the deeper metaphor about what it really meant, for Chris and Todd.
On their anniversary, with the studio version completed, Chris presented Todd with their song. They were alone, having hiked to the top of a mountain together.
THE DEDICATION
And so, this song goes out to Chris and Todd, with my warmest wishes for another 20 years together, and another 20 after that. I find them to be such an inspirational duo, because they are brave, and because they dared to be vulnerable with one another. And most of all, because they have found a way to say, "no thanks" to the things that were making them small and “outwardly comfortable,” and YES to creating a life, together, that is truer and fuller and sweeter and grander and infinitely more connective and rewarding.
This song goes out, to, too any of you, who are feeling stuck, or small, or held back, and who can also feel, within, a rumbling, building awareness of your ability to be both vulnerable, and brave, and to dare to let yourself learn how to FLY!
Twenty-five years later, Chris tracked me down (thank you Facebook) and we both discovered that each of our lives, out beyond that corporate hotbed of our flashy beginnings, had taken some pretty intense and deepening twists and turns. We both love who we have turned out to be, and feel deeply grateful for the lives and the family that we live with, and all the crazy, zany fun we each get to enjoy, married to the right guy, and raising two tremendous boys. But when Chris opened up to me about her own story, and told me she wanted to commission a song to surprise her husband, Todd, with on their 20th anniversary, the utter uniqueness of her story, and, most especially, the most recent few years of their path, came forward. I found myself hanging on her every word.
THEIR STORY
A lot of it is private. You can fill in the blanks any way you like. But imagine this: Imagine a life where you are in the depths of a terribly sad, unexpected break-up that has left you on your knees, needing to start over, change your focus, and to rebuild in nearly every way. While the journey is difficult, the surprising path and the lessons learned help to cement a personal sense of perseverance, strength and purpose.
Then imagine, during that journey, that into your life walks a man with the kindest, warmest smile you have ever seen. And then, over time, imagine falling in love with that kindness and starting to believe in the possibilities of a future with a family of your own. Now imagine years of building a “picture perfect” life with him--two cherished kids, a lovely house, successful business, good friends and a place in the community.
And then, a tsunami of illness rapidly descends upon you, stealing bits and pieces of your body and brain, leaving you in terrible degenerative pain, eventually unable to clearly think and speak, or to easily walk or move. Consider what it might be like, to become unrecognizable even to yourself.
Then imagine looking across at your partner, seeing him bound in a successful business that no longer makes sense for him at all, despite his strong sense of dedication to the people and to the work.
And then imagine how somehow, slowly, without your even really noticing it, it dawns on you that everything you have built your life on together ties you to one place, one way of being, one way of interacting, in a manner that feels inescapable and, frankly, damaging.
Imagine what might happen if that awareness slowly started to put a choke-hold on everything about your sense of well-being, even as your life still looked perfectly darn good - on paper.
THE MOMENT OF TRUTH AND COURAGE
Imagine all of that and then imagine looking at each other honestly for the first time in a long time, experiencing some of the most real conversations you have ever had in your life together. Seeing the truth, together, of how much is not working, and how utterly unclear and scary the alternatives are. Imagine holding in the space of not-knowing together. Just holding. And praying. And praying.
And then imagine deciding something together, leaning heavily on your own deep faith. Imagine a cold, snowy December day where you load up the car, the kids, the dog, lock the house and leave - moving far, far away and just STARTING ANEW. Starting all over again.
And finding that, in this new place, your body is very slowly beginning to heal. In time, you can walk again and then carefully, deliberately, start to run. And finding that the new business your husband has started, with his own sweat and blood and good will, is starting to...take off. And then imagine that other things start falling into place - family adventures, old forgotten dreams, like, traveling the world, and, literally, learning how to fly an airplane.
Imagine starting to feel new life breathed into the way you see the world. Imagine starting to feel like dreams that you barely ever dared to dream, actually can come alive, in your life, together.
THE SHIFT
Chris shared with me that in this shift, and in their new life, Todd began to appear to her as someone significantly more powerful, strong, brave, sensitive, and quite simply, a deep, big, giving, loving partner. She shared that as her body began to heal in this new environment, she found herself to be a warrior on a level previously unknown to her—more courageous, grateful, present, and authentic…and internally happy.
On the day I sent her the rough recording of her song, Chris was taking a flying lesson in a Cessna 172, what she calls a “Campbell’s’ Soup Can in the Sky.” ("If we're going to fly the plane as a family, we better both know darn well how to operate that thing.") The timing of her hearing the rough-cut of the song for the first time on this particular day held special meaning, given the title, and the deeper metaphor about what it really meant, for Chris and Todd.
On their anniversary, with the studio version completed, Chris presented Todd with their song. They were alone, having hiked to the top of a mountain together.
THE DEDICATION
And so, this song goes out to Chris and Todd, with my warmest wishes for another 20 years together, and another 20 after that. I find them to be such an inspirational duo, because they are brave, and because they dared to be vulnerable with one another. And most of all, because they have found a way to say, "no thanks" to the things that were making them small and “outwardly comfortable,” and YES to creating a life, together, that is truer and fuller and sweeter and grander and infinitely more connective and rewarding.
This song goes out, to, too any of you, who are feeling stuck, or small, or held back, and who can also feel, within, a rumbling, building awareness of your ability to be both vulnerable, and brave, and to dare to let yourself learn how to FLY!
LEARNING TO FLY
Anna Huckabee Tull
Never believed I could have it like this
Twenty good years and two kick-ass kids
I knew the moment I saw that smile on your face
Crazy beautiful moment, that I would take my place
By your side, take my chances, take this ride
I’ve got no complaints about this road we’ve walked
It brought us everything we knew to want
But the more we held to it, the more we lost
And the more we dared to let go, the more we started to know
That we are strong
And now we’re learning to fly, climbing up higher
Out past the borders that we knew and held to
Now we’re climbing, climbing up higher
And I’m right beside you, you really see me
And I can really see you
What you do, what you do, what you do
And the man you’ve become
It was always in you, in you, in you
And something so good has begun
And we’re learning to fly
Never known anyone as kind as you
Kindest, sweetest, this has always been true
But lately there is so much more to you
I have seen you see us through, in amazing ways
And you have seen me do this too
And now we’re learning to fly, climbing up higher
Out past the borders that we knew and held to
Well, now we’re climbing, climbing up higher
Getting better and better
And I feel so crazy in love with you
With you, with you, with you
And all the things that we’ve done
Made a life so beautiful, beautiful
And so crazy-fun
Yeah, we’re learning to fly
I’m learning to fly with my guy...
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