Love, After Taking a Breath and Entering Back In
The recent winter storm NEMO has surrounded us with white on all sides, here in New England, And as I gaze out at the swirls of wind and snow, it has put me in mind of a drive I took in a raging snow storm fifteen years ago. My (then very new) husband Jim had left for a business trip on the other side of the state and our good-bye had not been intense, or connective or amazing. At first I felt down about this, then I started telling myself justifying stories. But in the end, I felt some strange gentle prod from the heavens above, saying "Get back in there." So, despite a raging storm, I got in my car and drove and drove through the whiteness, all the way to where he was, in Springfield Mass, to be with him. Maybe all of us have "Angels on Us" from time to time - that gentle prod that comes from deep within or perhaps from someplace far beyond, that says,
"There is still time to re-write this story. Just put your heart back in the game."
ANGELS ON US
Anna Huckabee Tull
I can't see three feet in front of me
There's nothing but white
I'm driving through a mother of a storm
To be beside you tonight
And it's not because I'm crazy
It's not because I'm dangerous
It's not because I'm chasing you
It's 'cause there's angels on us...
When I was little, I was lost sometimes
And other times I was sound
It gets a little bit melodramatic in my mind
The high points spinning around
Till they fall down, down to the ground
Where there's angels on us...
When you left for Springfield
We were not in a fight
I kissed you goodbye
But there was a complacency there
That I couldn't fight if I tried
Well, I didn't try
I just didn't try
So now there's angels on us...
And it's just because we're good enough
It's just because I'm ready now
It's just because its time for something more than my
Letting myself forget
What I've already found
Here on the ground
Where there's angels on us...
And I'm driving through this storm tonight
And I'm driving careful, just to let it all come right
And I'm driving to you and to me tonight
And now everything in front of me
It's all white
I wrote this song and brought it to my then-guitar-teacher (now dear, longtime friend,) recording artist Ksenia Mack, who created a superior guitar arrangement and waltzed into the recording studio with me to bring "Angles on Us" to life. That's the incomparable Meryl Press on backing vocals, and the profoundly talented Katrin Peterson on percussion. We recorded this song as part of my very first CD, "Open Now," at Wellspring Sound with Eric Kilburn engineering and co-producing. It was also included on my Valentine's CD "Love All Over the Place," a collection of love songs I wrote and recorded, seven years later.
The "us" I was referring to in this song is the same "US" I am deeply a part of now, every day of my life. You might be happy to learn that those early flailings of "getting the hang of hanging on to love" that you hear about in this song have been replaced by a deeper, steadier, truer, easier kind of two-step, which my husband Jim and I enjoy and celebrate in our lives in an uncountable number of ways. Jim, you are the love of my life, the one who sails along side of me in all the high moments, who nudges me in the frozen ones, and the one who gently bends down with tender heart to offer me a hand back up whenever I have stumbled along the way. Happy Valentine's Day to us. I am so much more of who I am, in loving you. Your love has permanently, infinitely, gloriously opened up and shifted my heart beyond my wildest imaginings.
TO YOU, DEAR READER
May this day offer you the re-discovery of your own heart. May you enjoy twenty seconds of courage, to speak your heart to some special other on this day, and may you dare to say what you most deeply feel. And, too, may you feel gratitude for whatever act of love it was that brought you here to this planet! I'm so glad you made it! xoxo --Anna (extra points for reading all the way to the bottom!)